Recently have been “stuck” in a few situations where someone
paid me a compliment and it made me really uncomfortable. Compliments have always been hard for
me. I guess in my mind it just always
seemed a little conceded to accept one. I
always avoid them or comeback with something to negate it. I am not sure if I learned that from someone
or if I just decided on my own – in any case, it’s not a good attitude to have
and I really want to change it.
I know logically that I am good a certain things; so why do I
diminish it? Like being a mom – I work hard to always try to
do what’s best for the boys at all times.
If someone were to compliment me on that I should accept it and be proud. But I don’t, I turn it into “well thanks but…”
and go on to list what I did wrong or compare myself to someone. I end
up walking away from the conversation feeling worse because I am focused on the
negative. That is sad. When I get a random compliment from a
girlfriend I usually just think they are being nice – never that they actually
mean it. It’s even harder to accept one from
guys now that I am single. It’s more awkward for me because I wonder if there
is a motive behind it, are they flirting?!?
Then depending on my response does that make me look like I like them? Ugh. I
don’t even know what to do with stuff like that at this point. I have never been a single adult so this
concept is weird and I find myself uuber aware of my relationship status and
everyone else’ at all times – when I never really thought much about it in the
past. I think a lot of it boils down to I
don’t believe or know how to accept the compliment so it’s almost like it MUST
mean they really didn’t mean it. That is sad.
Why am I programmed like that? Obviously I know I am not living my life to
impress others or trying to show anyone up so what is wrong with accepting positive
feedback? Everyone needs reassurance and
support; a lot of that comes in the form
of compliments and praises so I am missing it!
I love my friends and family so very much and their support has honestly
been a lot of what has held me together over the past year. Imagine how much better I would have felt had
I really accepted and heard even half of what they said?!?! I spend a lot of time praying for God’s will. I want to be sold out for Him - I want to be
where He wants me to be and make the choices He wants me to make! A big part of that requires me to hear and
acknowledge everything that He puts in my life!! I also don’t want my kiddos to start doing
that – they are precious and should never think anything less. Going forward I am going to make a conscience
effort to hear what people say to me, appreciate it and accept it for exactly
what it is.
