Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Icing
"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:11-13).
Day by day my life continues to improve – day by day things in the boys’ lives continue to improve. Our worlds were rocked – the changes were massive; but we survived and are starting to thrive again! I loving refer to last winter as “the sweatshirt period”. I went to Target and bought five sweatshirts (okay they may have had a collar or hood but truly they were still just stupid sweatshirts) and literally wore them for a few months. Dressing up or doing anything other than putting on a sweatshirt and jeans was out of my capabilities at that point. I just didn’t care. I was in survival mode. I have come so far from that point. Being on the other side of divorce and now helping in Divorce Care is such a humbling experience for me each week. When I see those men and women walk into our church doors for the first time in “sweatshirt mode”, I know their pain. I still feel that pain – just in much smaller doses now! I try to provide compassion and a glimmer of hope in a time of such hopelessness. That is what my coordinators did for me and I will be forever grateful to my church for providing a program to help me during my time of need. I strongly believe in the outreach programs my church participates in. It is our job as the body of Christ to provide support to those who are overwhelmed, under-resourced and far away from Jesus. We should try our best to be like Jesus to those who so desperately need to find Him.
Not only has my faith been forever changed by my circumstances but now I see how it affected the boys’ faith too. Last week Nolan asked Jesus to be his savior while we were lying in bed talking about what it truly means to be a Christian. I didn’t expect for him to fully understand our discussion on faith and salvation but by the end of our heart to heart I knew he did. My sweet boy prayed his own little prayer of salvation and it was beautiful. I am so happy I was with him when he took that step of faith. I don’t think there could be a more rewarding moment as a parent. I cannot wait to see what God has planned for his life!
We are faithfully trusting each step as the Lord continues to lead us through down this new path. We have spent the summer doing all the normal summer things but on a much smaller scale. I know this has been an adjustment for the boys. There are a lot of reasons for the smaller scale – the biggest factor is time, but of course money and bandwidth also play a role. I am a single parent now. That changes the dynamic of everything for our little family. As far as time goes – I never feel like there is enough of it! Invites and impromptu plans often don’t work out because they always seem to pop up opposite of my custody. It makes me sad when the boys miss out or I miss out; but that is just one of the realities of divorce. Even home activities like filling up the pool for the backyard get messed up because of timing. The boys will ask on a Thursday and I find myself explaining they will be gone all weekend and tell them we will have to wait until the next weekend and then the weather doesn’t cooperate! So even a simple thing like playing in the pool is delayed for weeks. How stupid – but again it is just a circumstance of this new life. What I mean by bandwidth is just simply the ratio of parents to kids. Life is just a little more hectic now when it’s two to one! I often feel stretched thin but it’s getting better. I still make plans for us – it just has to be carefully thought through now. Big things like a family vacation would be out of the question for me at this point. I just don’t think I would feel safe to travel with just us. What if something happened to me or someone gets hurt or ill? No one wants to think like that, but it’s a real concern. And of course our financial situation have greatly changed – no need to explain that! So as much as I would like to say that life is “easy” or back to normal – they aren’t and honestly never will be 100% again. That is still hard to accept sometimes.
I understand why people jump straight into relationships after divorce. (Like all of the hardships listed above – it seems so easy to dive right into something else and avoid them.) Things just seems easier with a partner and it’s nice to have someone to do life with! It is hard to accept the reality of doing it on your own. I think doing “life” alone first is important though – I missed that step when I moved from my parent’s house to an apartment with Scott. I need this time now to work on being whole as a single person. Truly it’s freeing in a way I never expected. Each little step has been a critical part of healing and growing. Being single in God’s eyes means to be separate, unique, and whole. To be single means you are separate from everyone else, and you are unique in yourself-which means you recognize there's no one like you, and you have worth within yourself. To be single means you are whole all on your own; you don't depend on other people to make you somebody. Until a person is completely single in these three areas, his or her relationships will always be a problem. If you aren’t “whole” as a single person then you are depending on another person to complete you instead of just complimenting you. No person can “complete” you. They are meant to compliment the individual person you already are – to become your partner. If you are expecting them to complete you, then you are setting yourself up to fail in the relationship. You have to have your own identity - not one that is wrapped up in the activities and hobbies of someone else. Like those people who just morph into whomever they are in the company of. The same thing happens in relationships if they don’t walk into it knowing who they already are on their own. I know from going through all of this that I am truly whole on my own as a single person.
I read an article where Dr. Les Carter said, "Many times folks ask, 'Is there a particular period of time that I should wait before I get into other relationships?' Time isn't really the major factor. Rather, it's knowing yourself and your motivations, and knowing who you are and why you want a relationship." I thought a lot about this when I read it. Do I know who I am and do I know why I want a relationship? Yes. I know exactly who I am through and through. I am so strong now. I am no longer living in the “sweatshirt phase” – hopeless, scared, sad and broken. I have overcome that period with help from God, my friends and my family. I have been through a lot on my own… packing and moving (twice) – living in my new little place - learning to be a single parent – figuring out and managing finances – having car trouble – going to weddings/showers/parties – going to church and growing in my faith – running a household – handling all of life’s ups and downs. And I did them ALL ON MY OWN - ALONE! Every day I am stronger, smarter and more brave than the day before. Every day I prove to myself that I can do this and that I can do it well. I am so proud of this life I am building. Nothing about it is perfect – but I am giving it my best effort and love it. I am fulfilled beyond belief with what the Lord has provided for me. To date someone at this point is simply icing on the cake to my crazy busy life!
Day by day my life continues to improve – day by day things in the boys’ lives continue to improve. Our worlds were rocked – the changes were massive; but we survived and are starting to thrive again! I loving refer to last winter as “the sweatshirt period”. I went to Target and bought five sweatshirts (okay they may have had a collar or hood but truly they were still just stupid sweatshirts) and literally wore them for a few months. Dressing up or doing anything other than putting on a sweatshirt and jeans was out of my capabilities at that point. I just didn’t care. I was in survival mode. I have come so far from that point. Being on the other side of divorce and now helping in Divorce Care is such a humbling experience for me each week. When I see those men and women walk into our church doors for the first time in “sweatshirt mode”, I know their pain. I still feel that pain – just in much smaller doses now! I try to provide compassion and a glimmer of hope in a time of such hopelessness. That is what my coordinators did for me and I will be forever grateful to my church for providing a program to help me during my time of need. I strongly believe in the outreach programs my church participates in. It is our job as the body of Christ to provide support to those who are overwhelmed, under-resourced and far away from Jesus. We should try our best to be like Jesus to those who so desperately need to find Him.
Not only has my faith been forever changed by my circumstances but now I see how it affected the boys’ faith too. Last week Nolan asked Jesus to be his savior while we were lying in bed talking about what it truly means to be a Christian. I didn’t expect for him to fully understand our discussion on faith and salvation but by the end of our heart to heart I knew he did. My sweet boy prayed his own little prayer of salvation and it was beautiful. I am so happy I was with him when he took that step of faith. I don’t think there could be a more rewarding moment as a parent. I cannot wait to see what God has planned for his life!
We are faithfully trusting each step as the Lord continues to lead us through down this new path. We have spent the summer doing all the normal summer things but on a much smaller scale. I know this has been an adjustment for the boys. There are a lot of reasons for the smaller scale – the biggest factor is time, but of course money and bandwidth also play a role. I am a single parent now. That changes the dynamic of everything for our little family. As far as time goes – I never feel like there is enough of it! Invites and impromptu plans often don’t work out because they always seem to pop up opposite of my custody. It makes me sad when the boys miss out or I miss out; but that is just one of the realities of divorce. Even home activities like filling up the pool for the backyard get messed up because of timing. The boys will ask on a Thursday and I find myself explaining they will be gone all weekend and tell them we will have to wait until the next weekend and then the weather doesn’t cooperate! So even a simple thing like playing in the pool is delayed for weeks. How stupid – but again it is just a circumstance of this new life. What I mean by bandwidth is just simply the ratio of parents to kids. Life is just a little more hectic now when it’s two to one! I often feel stretched thin but it’s getting better. I still make plans for us – it just has to be carefully thought through now. Big things like a family vacation would be out of the question for me at this point. I just don’t think I would feel safe to travel with just us. What if something happened to me or someone gets hurt or ill? No one wants to think like that, but it’s a real concern. And of course our financial situation have greatly changed – no need to explain that! So as much as I would like to say that life is “easy” or back to normal – they aren’t and honestly never will be 100% again. That is still hard to accept sometimes.
I understand why people jump straight into relationships after divorce. (Like all of the hardships listed above – it seems so easy to dive right into something else and avoid them.) Things just seems easier with a partner and it’s nice to have someone to do life with! It is hard to accept the reality of doing it on your own. I think doing “life” alone first is important though – I missed that step when I moved from my parent’s house to an apartment with Scott. I need this time now to work on being whole as a single person. Truly it’s freeing in a way I never expected. Each little step has been a critical part of healing and growing. Being single in God’s eyes means to be separate, unique, and whole. To be single means you are separate from everyone else, and you are unique in yourself-which means you recognize there's no one like you, and you have worth within yourself. To be single means you are whole all on your own; you don't depend on other people to make you somebody. Until a person is completely single in these three areas, his or her relationships will always be a problem. If you aren’t “whole” as a single person then you are depending on another person to complete you instead of just complimenting you. No person can “complete” you. They are meant to compliment the individual person you already are – to become your partner. If you are expecting them to complete you, then you are setting yourself up to fail in the relationship. You have to have your own identity - not one that is wrapped up in the activities and hobbies of someone else. Like those people who just morph into whomever they are in the company of. The same thing happens in relationships if they don’t walk into it knowing who they already are on their own. I know from going through all of this that I am truly whole on my own as a single person.
I read an article where Dr. Les Carter said, "Many times folks ask, 'Is there a particular period of time that I should wait before I get into other relationships?' Time isn't really the major factor. Rather, it's knowing yourself and your motivations, and knowing who you are and why you want a relationship." I thought a lot about this when I read it. Do I know who I am and do I know why I want a relationship? Yes. I know exactly who I am through and through. I am so strong now. I am no longer living in the “sweatshirt phase” – hopeless, scared, sad and broken. I have overcome that period with help from God, my friends and my family. I have been through a lot on my own… packing and moving (twice) – living in my new little place - learning to be a single parent – figuring out and managing finances – having car trouble – going to weddings/showers/parties – going to church and growing in my faith – running a household – handling all of life’s ups and downs. And I did them ALL ON MY OWN - ALONE! Every day I am stronger, smarter and more brave than the day before. Every day I prove to myself that I can do this and that I can do it well. I am so proud of this life I am building. Nothing about it is perfect – but I am giving it my best effort and love it. I am fulfilled beyond belief with what the Lord has provided for me. To date someone at this point is simply icing on the cake to my crazy busy life!
Friday, July 13, 2012
July 12 facts for the 12th day of the month!
We ate this for breakfast: Donuts! We stopped and got them on the way to Nana’s house.
This is on our agenda: It was normal work day for me and the boys were at Nana’s for the day and went to Grandma’s house for a few hours in the afternoon. We kept Astraea in the evening for Starla and Doug.
This made us laugh: Hudson throwing a fit over a snack – I video’d his fit and it made him start laughing which turned us all into giggle boxes!
Last thing we purchased was: Stuff to make homemade ice cream – yum!
This is our favorite song: Nolan’s favorite is “Pinwheels” by The Smashing Pumpkins (they have a new album out). Hudson’s favorite is “Gold on the Ceiling” by the Black Keys. Mine is “Disparate Youth” by Santigold and “Jus Right” by Robin Thicke.
We watched this on TV: No TV for us!
This is what we are reading: I have been playing catch-up with the magazines that I haven’t read all summer – Real Simple is my fave. Nolan has been reading comics all summer and Hudson had a random airplane book under his arm all week.
We are looking forward to: Camp Thurman – starts next Monday!
We ran these errands: I had to take some hand me down clothes over to a friends house.
We ate this for dinner: We ate dinner at Burger Box with Astraea so they could play on the playground.
Today we celebrated: New tents! I got two new camo pop-up tents for the boys and we pulled them out and set them up for the first time. They thought it was pretty fun to get in them and play all evening.
We are grateful for: I asked the boys and Nolan’s answer was “good music” and Hudson’s was “girlfriends” – I am in so much trouble with him! I am grateful for my job. It’s not perfect but it’s part of who I am. I like working for my clients (most of the time) and I love my co-workers. I am blessed to have a way to provide for my boys.
This is on our agenda: It was normal work day for me and the boys were at Nana’s for the day and went to Grandma’s house for a few hours in the afternoon. We kept Astraea in the evening for Starla and Doug.
This made us laugh: Hudson throwing a fit over a snack – I video’d his fit and it made him start laughing which turned us all into giggle boxes!
Last thing we purchased was: Stuff to make homemade ice cream – yum!
This is our favorite song: Nolan’s favorite is “Pinwheels” by The Smashing Pumpkins (they have a new album out). Hudson’s favorite is “Gold on the Ceiling” by the Black Keys. Mine is “Disparate Youth” by Santigold and “Jus Right” by Robin Thicke.
We watched this on TV: No TV for us!
This is what we are reading: I have been playing catch-up with the magazines that I haven’t read all summer – Real Simple is my fave. Nolan has been reading comics all summer and Hudson had a random airplane book under his arm all week.
We are looking forward to: Camp Thurman – starts next Monday!
We ran these errands: I had to take some hand me down clothes over to a friends house.
We ate this for dinner: We ate dinner at Burger Box with Astraea so they could play on the playground.
Today we celebrated: New tents! I got two new camo pop-up tents for the boys and we pulled them out and set them up for the first time. They thought it was pretty fun to get in them and play all evening.
We are grateful for: I asked the boys and Nolan’s answer was “good music” and Hudson’s was “girlfriends” – I am in so much trouble with him! I am grateful for my job. It’s not perfect but it’s part of who I am. I like working for my clients (most of the time) and I love my co-workers. I am blessed to have a way to provide for my boys.
Monday, July 2, 2012
The sweet life!
Life has recently become a little sweeter for me… I am dating someone! The past year has been a rollercoaster to say the least. Dating was definitely at the bottom of my list of my priorities. I honestly never expected to be dating at this point. It’s been five months since my divorce; is that too soon? I think many would argue yes. Me being one of them until now! But as everyone knows - my marriage was over long before that piece of paper was in place. I spent months fighting for my marriage and my family – when I gave up I was truly able to let it go and begin to heal. I know I tried everything I could have to save it and most importantly I know I consulted with the Lord on each and every step.
The progress of my healing was hard to see and feel at first. I have always been a strongwilled person and where in most areas of my life that would be considered a strength, in my spiritual life that was a HUGE weakness. I needed help and healing but wasn’t able to see that or accept it from God. As things began to fall apart last year; I was truly vulnerable for the first time in my life. It allowed me to depend God on a new way - not just think of him as a partner but as the leader! What a difference it has made in my life!! I see changes every day in my walk with the Lord now. I have a relationship with Him I didn’t know was possible! My quiet time is amazing – so much has come from it. Just last weekend I pulled out my two previous prayer journals and ended up in tears over how many of those worries and prayers have been answered and lifted from my heart. PRAYER REALLY CHANGES THINGS. I cannot say that enough. Anyways, through this past year of discovery I have grown and healed in more ways than expected. I know that I still have lots more work ahead of me and that to build trust with another person is going to be hard but I also know that I am ready for the challenge!
Divorce Care was and is the best thing I could have done for myself. Working through the bible study and fighting through the topics week by week changed everything for me. My friends from that group are heaven sent for sure. Together we have all grown, done the hard work to heal after a divorce and slowly changed our lives. I know them in such an intimate way – we all know the nitty gritty and have been there. I never expected to meet someone in that class but I did! We slowly and steadily have built a friendship over the past six months and recently it’s become more. You know the saying “When someone shows you who they are – believe them.” That is so true and I feel like I am walking into this with my eyes wide open. He is a great guy and we have a lot of fun together. I like that we are taking things slow. I am trusting that God will continue to lead me down this path if this is what he wants for me right now.
The progress of my healing was hard to see and feel at first. I have always been a strongwilled person and where in most areas of my life that would be considered a strength, in my spiritual life that was a HUGE weakness. I needed help and healing but wasn’t able to see that or accept it from God. As things began to fall apart last year; I was truly vulnerable for the first time in my life. It allowed me to depend God on a new way - not just think of him as a partner but as the leader! What a difference it has made in my life!! I see changes every day in my walk with the Lord now. I have a relationship with Him I didn’t know was possible! My quiet time is amazing – so much has come from it. Just last weekend I pulled out my two previous prayer journals and ended up in tears over how many of those worries and prayers have been answered and lifted from my heart. PRAYER REALLY CHANGES THINGS. I cannot say that enough. Anyways, through this past year of discovery I have grown and healed in more ways than expected. I know that I still have lots more work ahead of me and that to build trust with another person is going to be hard but I also know that I am ready for the challenge!
Divorce Care was and is the best thing I could have done for myself. Working through the bible study and fighting through the topics week by week changed everything for me. My friends from that group are heaven sent for sure. Together we have all grown, done the hard work to heal after a divorce and slowly changed our lives. I know them in such an intimate way – we all know the nitty gritty and have been there. I never expected to meet someone in that class but I did! We slowly and steadily have built a friendship over the past six months and recently it’s become more. You know the saying “When someone shows you who they are – believe them.” That is so true and I feel like I am walking into this with my eyes wide open. He is a great guy and we have a lot of fun together. I like that we are taking things slow. I am trusting that God will continue to lead me down this path if this is what he wants for me right now.
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