Yesterday I had a bad day. There was no particular reason for my bad day which is when it throws me for a loop the most. I started down a path of thinking that just leads to stress and anger and sadness. Nolan got sick at school so I left the office early to go get him, we picked up Hudson from MiMi’s and headed home. I mandated “quiet time” since he came home early from school. Laying on the couch I almost fell asleep. I guess because I actually had a little time on my hands I started to think about all of the random information people feel the need to tell me about on a regular basis. I don’t go around asking for this kind of stuff yet people over and over again call me or bump into me and ask questions about things I know nothing about or tell me things I certainly don’t want to hear. It’s hurtful and such a hard position to be in over and over again. I understand that people think that somehow it helps me or that it’s “just gossip” but to me it’s not “just gossip” – it’s my life. And the truth is that actually it’s not my life anymore so it really doesn’t serve any purpose to talk about what others do or who they are with. I find myself in some sort of trap that I can’t get my mind out of. I feel like a detective waiting for my next clue. Just when I had mentally worked myself into a huge mess the phone rang - it was Scott calling to check on Nolan. Somehow after the small talk about Nolan our conversation went to a place that it shouldn’t have. I broke down; crying and angry. I demanded information that I really didn’t want to hear. WHY did I do that to myself? There are lots of things I will never understand about my current situation but going round and round with him certainly doesn’t change any of it. I also took some bad advice from a very smart person. I thought that by following their advice I would somehow find some healing or closure. It actually just left me feeling more “wronged” by multiple parties. Through all of this I have sat back and said nothing – focusing my thoughts and words only on myself and my feelings as I go through this. I have tried my very best to respect others and to just move forward not talking about the obvious. I have let mean and terrible things be said to me and about me. For the first time in all of this – I felt the urge for revenge. I wanted to somehow make others hurt the way I was hurting. They don’t care about my feelings so why do I keep protecting and caring about theirs? Just when I was in the thick of those thoughts, I got a blog feed email and it said –
“Sometimes being sad or mad over stuff like this is a complete waste of time.
I’ve mulled her statement over in my mind a hundred times. It’s good. It’s truth.
Indeed there are things to be sad about… but so much of what pulls at my emotions isn’t worth the time and energy I give it.
I love this verse from James 1:19-21 in the Message:
Post this at all the intersections, dear friends. Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God’s righteousness doesn’t grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation garden of your life.”
After reading that I was whipped back into reality! It reminded me of a sweet note that my PaPa sent me last month about letting it go. I first applied it to my relationship and I think I have let that go - now I need to apply it to other situations. I have to let them go and give it to Him to handle. The words were so true from minister T.D. Jakes of the Potter’s House…
“There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over.
Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to……
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains…………
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth…..
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you.....
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge……
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction……
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude…..
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……
LET IT GO!!!
If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him……..
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship…….
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves……
LET IT GO!!!
If you’re feeling depressed and stressed………………
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying ‘take your hands off of it,’ then you need to…..
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2012!!
LET IT GO!!!
THIS IS GOD’S BATTLE!”
I love my PaPa so much – he is not typically the kind of person to send that kind of thing, but over the past year he has sent me a few little clips from the newspaper and different messages that apply perfectly to my current situation. It has meant the world to get little positive reinforcements from him through all of this. This IS God’s battle and I don't need to worry myself with it. I have told myself that every single time I am in a position where I could take the path spite.
I know what I need to do and most days I think I am doing it. I have to stop that “stinking thinking” in its tracks when it starts. I know I’m making progress but when I allow myself to think about the past I feel like I am transported right back to last summer. I read in my Divorce Care devotional that you will know you are moving forward when you realize that you are spending more time on thoughts of the present instead of thoughts of the past. I can see that and I am slowly doing that. It also said that you will know you are ready to date again when you aren’t looking for someone to “rescue you” (from your loneliness, your financial situation or your life stage) because you are okay with who and where you are. This is something I really needed to hear because honestly that is exactly what I would love right now. I always joke that I want a millionaire to show up and sweep me off my feet. That shows exactly where I am at this point. The actual thought of falling in real love again seems like such a fantasy that he might as well be a millionaire too. : ) I am thankful I recognize my progress and that God reminds me of it each day. I am healing it’s just slow.
