Music is a powerful thing. It can instantly change the mood of a situation. For me it helps me to connect with my emotions, live through a happy moment and sad event – whatever life brings my way. I love that about it. Tuesday was an emotional roller coaster for sure. First of all, I thought the court date was on Wednesday and luckily looked back at the paperwork on Monday. At first I was thinking it was Tuesday the 8th – when I figured out the 8th was a Wednesday I just assumed that I was wrong on the Tuesday part. I guess she said Tuesday at 8 and I converted that to the 8th. In any case, it was yesterday and I am just so thankful we didn’t miss it.
I was pretty much a nervous wreck right up until time to walk into that court room. I had never even been in a court room before yesterday! Scott was there and we just muddled through it. It was sad and hard and all of the things you would think a divorce hearing would be. Walking down the last flight of stairs and towards the door my heart just began to race. Like as I was leaving is when it really sunk in what just happened. I walked outside and had an awkward goodbye with Scott and dashed across the street to my car. Getting in I could feel the emotions bubbling into my throat. I started the car and the radio was blaring “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen…seriously?!? Of all the songs in the world, it was so random and suddenly hit me as funny. My mood went from almost tears to alright – I got this! The next song was Rod Stewart “If you think I’m Sexy” which again was random. I almost wanted a sappy song so I started flipping channels only to find nothing but upbeat, happy crap. I guess that was God’s way of telling me – not today – today you are going to be strong! It set the tone for me and I went on an really enjoyed the day as much as possible. Breakfast and a little shopping, pedicure and lunch with my mom, picked up the boys from school, it was nice weather so we walked next door and fed the goats (there are two little babies right now – so cute!), watched The Sandlot and then when it was about time for Scott to come and pick them up I left and met up with friends for margaritas. In a weird way, it was actually a good day. I was constantly reminded of how much love and support I have even with this huge loss. I am so thankful for God’s provision.
Getting in the car after dinner I instantly felt alone. I just sat there and said a quick prayer thanking the Lord for my family and friends. I was suddenly reminded that I am not alone – that He is always with me, even when others are not. The radio was off so I flipped it on wondering what I would hear. It was still on the oldies station and I guess at 9 pm every night they play parts of live concerts from different artists and guess who was playing?!? Paul McCartney – AMAZING! Live and Let Die had just started…
When you were young
And your heart was an open book
You used to say, "Live and let live"
(You know you did, you know you did, you know you did)
But if this ever-changing world in which we live in
Makes you give in and cry
Say live and let die
Live and let die
Live and let die
Live and let die
I connected to the song in a way I never had before. I said another little prayer thanking Him for the perfect song and then in perfect timing the next song from the concert started…
The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to your door.
The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day.
Why leave me standing here?
Let me know the way.
Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried,
Anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried.
And still they lead me back
To the long, winding road
You left me standing here
A long, long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here
Lead me to your door.
But still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long, long time ago (ohhh)
Don't keep me waiting here (don't keep me waiting)
Lead me to your door. (yeah yeah yeah yeah)
I cried sweet tears the rest of the way home. It was perfect – perfect timing, perfect fulfillment of my needs in that moment. I went home and was able to sleep soundly for the first time in months. No more “what-ifs” or worries about how everything would end up. What’s done is done. There is something very settling about that now and I am at peace.
