Compliments

Recently have been “stuck” in a few situations where someone paid me a compliment and it made me really uncomfortable.  Compliments have always been hard for me.  I guess in my mind it just always seemed a little conceded to accept one.  I always avoid them or comeback with something to negate it.  I am not sure if I learned that from someone or if I just decided on my own – in any case, it’s not a good attitude to have and I really want to change it. 

I know logically that I am good a certain things; so why do I diminish it?   Like being a mom – I work hard to always try to do what’s best for the boys at all times.  If someone were to compliment me on that I should accept it and be proud.  But I don’t, I turn it into “well thanks but…” and go on to list what I did wrong or compare myself to someone.   I end up walking away from the conversation feeling worse because I am focused on the negative.  That is sad.  When I get a random compliment from a girlfriend I usually just think they are being nice – never that they actually mean it.  It’s even harder to accept one from guys now that I am single. It’s more awkward for me because I wonder if there is a motive behind it, are they flirting?!?  Then depending on my response does that make me look like I like them?  Ugh.  I don’t even know what to do with stuff like that at this point.  I have never been a single adult so this concept is weird and I find myself uuber aware of my relationship status and everyone else’ at all times – when I never really thought much about it in the past.  I think a lot of it boils down to I don’t believe or know how to accept the compliment so it’s almost like it MUST mean they really didn’t mean it.   That is sad. 

Why am I programmed like that?  Obviously I know I am not living my life to impress others or trying to show anyone up so what is wrong with accepting positive feedback?  Everyone needs reassurance and support;  a lot of that comes in the form of compliments and praises so I am missing it!  I love my friends and family so very much and their support has honestly been a lot of what has held me together over the past year.  Imagine how much better I would have felt had I really accepted and heard even half of what they said?!?!  I spend a lot of time praying for God’s will.  I want to be sold out for Him - I want to be where He wants me to be and make the choices He wants me to make!  A big part of that requires me to hear and acknowledge everything that He puts in my life!!  I also don’t want my kiddos to start doing that – they are precious and should never think anything less.  Going forward I am going to make a conscience effort to hear what people say to me, appreciate it and accept it for exactly what it is.

Brooke's Baby Shower

We had a shower on Friday night for Brooke. She is about to have sweet baby boy number two - Lyric. Lochlan is going to be such a good big brother! I can't wait to meet this new baby! Brooke's house is so cute and perfectly decorated - I swear she is the most creative, artsy friend I have!  The baby's room is precious but of course I didn't take any pictures - ugh. Here are the few I took with my phone...

Hudson and Lochlan play so well together and had a blast during the shower -

Field Day - Oops!

So I had phone issues all night Friday night and Saturday morning - my phone just freaked out and I still have no idea why. While I was in the process of trying to get it working - I cleared off all of my pictures from my phone and backed up all of my music. I ran across a few pictures I never blogged about. These are some from Nolan's field day...

12 facts for the 12th of June!

We ate this for breakfast: I had a Fiber One bar and the boys had breakfast with Nana. (I have no idea what they ate!)

This is on our agenda: Work for me and dinner with a friend. Swimming lessons for the boys and then it’s their night to spend the night with Scott.

This made us laugh: In the car going to Nana’s talking about Hudson’s new “girlfriend” from swimming lessons. We had to talk about not kissing girls – OMG.

Last thing we purchased was: A new display case for Mike’s Broncos NFL Helmet since Hudson broke his. I finally found a good one for him. Ugh – Hudson.

This is our favorite song: Nolan’s is the Vitamin String Quartet’s version of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and Tongue Tied by Grouplove, Hudson’s is “Base Down Low” by the Cataracs – two versions – the original and the remix featuring Dev. Mine is “Come Over” by Kenney Chesney (it’s old but was sooo good at the concert last weekend I had to download!) and loving a bunch of Jason Mraz stuff (also old but I never really listened to him before – pretty good stuff!) and I like the new Katy Perry song “Wide Awake”.

We watched this on TV: Again no cable TV…I still love this. Not needed at all! The boys have watched a few movies over the past month but other than that the TV stays off. It makes the house so peaceful!

This is what we are reading: I am reading the 50 Shades of Grey series and I am on the final book – so good! (Definitely NOT reading that to the boys – ha ha!) Nolan has been into the Spiderwick books and Hudson and I read Curious George all last week before bed.

We are looking forward to: Nothing specific – just more summertime fun! Planning a camping trip in the backyard which should be fun! : )

We ran these errands: No errands yesterday – which is actually shocking!

We ate this for dinner: The boys ate with Daddy and I had Taco Cabana.

Today we celebrated: The start of something new and unexpected…

We are grateful for: Nolan said his i-touch and the new texting app I let him download. (He spent the weekend texting PaPa and Daddy and sending them pictures throughout the day – it was cute.) Hudson said his blue puppy and gum.

And I am grateful for my friends – they love and support me unconditionally and just make my life so much fun!

The here and now...

Time really does heal all things.  It is slow but eventually the new becomes the known and life moves forward.  Many things factor into healing.   I think you first have to accept and grieve the reality of the situation.  I worry that I’m not “doing it right” when I feel happy - but when I look back at my life a year ago verses today, I know I am working through this just as I should be.  

The divorce was final four months ago but true beginning of the end started almost a full year prior to that.  I know the exact moment I accepted it and truly let go; it was months after it started.  It was September 4th (one day after our 11 year anniversary) driving home from Dallas after the most awful lunch experience I have ever had. (and it had nothing to do with the food or the restaurant)  It was awkward, uncomfortable and painfully obvious that Scott was a million miles away from me even though he was sitting across at the table.  I just couldn’t understand why.  I still don’t.  Then and there in that car ride home I realized that he was no longer mine.   That all the months of back and forth had to come to an end – there had been so many “trys” given on both sides.  I just didn’t have it in me to wait for him to snap back and want to “try” one more time – so I said the unthinkable and he never even blinked before agreeing.  I just let him go.  My heart shattered and I cried the whole way home over the finality of the situation that had been going on for so long.

My life is in such a better place now than it was a year ago but it’s still hard; just in a different way now.  I am now hitting the year mark on so many things - sad little anniversaries.  The month of May was very emotional for me and I was not expecting that.  It seems like every holiday or event that passes now has such a dark memory attached from going through it last year.  I have never had that happen before – all of my holiday and special events had always had happy years prior!  There was so much uncertainty last year; I spent months in agony and prayer waiting to see what was going to happen to my life.  It was an awful year and they were hard holidays. 

I am so thankful for those hard times now as I look back on it.  Without them I wouldn’t be able measure my progress.  I can see how much I have grown from those points.  It’s still very painful to think back to last year and I can’t help but have this little sense of dread as each birthday and holiday happens.   t makes me relive that dark period a little bit and I hate thinking back to it.  Divorce (or loss of any kind) does this – it takes so much from you and continues to take even as time passes.  It’s not cut and dry and over when you say so.  It is slow and hard – anyone who thinks divorce is the “easy way” could not be more wrong!  That doesn’t mean you wont heal from it but it takes a lot of work – years of work and at that point couldn’t you have just worked to repair the marriage?!? (Anyways that’s another subject completely!) Thankfully each time we have celebrated a holiday it’s been nothing like last year’s!  Is it perfect – NO, but is it better – YES!  Last year even watching other people celebrate their holidays was too hard for me!  All I ever wanted in life was to have a sweet little family of my own – who was I without that?  To begin to accept the loss of that dream was really just not doable at that point.  It took months to begin to accept the loss and like I said the finality of it.  I am still working on it.

I guess the point of all of this is to mark how far things have come since all of those events last spring and summer.  I am so unbelievably happy with my life right now.  I have AMAZING friends and family.  My life really is so sweet most days and I think it's because of my focus on God and His plans for me.  Of course there is still the occasional drama but I really mostly try to attack the problem head on and then let it go and not let it ruin or take away from all the good stuff!  My boys are my world and we together are working it out and getting our groove.  I am so thankful for our progress and for all the blessings big and small that God has given to us!  God is good all of the time.  Even in the dark times.  Those dark times have to take place so that you can begin to notice the sun again and appreciate the little rays of sunshine as they peep out of the clouds.  I have been so happy and felt such peace in my heart the past few months – so much of that turmoil is gone and I am so grateful.

Another fun weekend!

Our weekend was jam packed as always. Friday night Scott took the boys to swimming lessons to spend a little time with them and then brought them back to me about 8:15.  I threw them in the bath and then we worked on some summer reading. Easy uneventful night. Saturday we got up and did laundry and cleaned house.   I am loving my new little house - it's a breeze to clean.   I can literally have the whole thing dusted, mopped and the bathroom cleaned in about an hour.  It's great!   I miss our old house but I really really love this new little house way more than I expected I would.   It really has quickly become "home" to us and I love that.   I took the boys to the museum for the day and we did all the exhibits and had a great time.   It wasn't crowded at all which made it so much better than at Spring Break.   We were able to take our time and do everything.   We ate at the Fuzzy's by TCU and then headed home.

I had a ticket to the Tim McGraw/Kenny Chesney concert and was super pumped about an afternoon of tailgating with friends.   Mom was going to watch the boys for me but has been battling kidney stones all week and was not up for it.   We bought tickets months ago so it was a really going to be a bummer to have to miss it; but Tanner stepped up to the plate and came over to hang out with the boys for the evening so that I could go!   No tailgating, but it was still a good evening and I was so thankful I got to go and see my hottie Tim!   It was a great show!   The boys were SO EXCITED when I told them that Tanner was going to "babysit" them for the evening.   I have never left the boys with a sitter so this was a really big deal.   But Tanner is 15 and the sweetest kiddo ever and very responsible and I felt really comfortable about leaving him in charge.   I told the boys they didn't have to take baths and could stay up as late as they wanted as long as they were behaving.  I left them about 4:30 with pizza money and Tanner brought over his x-box.   What more could they need?!  Haha!  Tanner said they were great all evening.  They had a good time and so did I; so it was a win/win situation.

Sunday started out pretty normal except that we all slept "late".  I was up before the boys were even moving around which NEVER happens!  We were still dressed and walking out the door for church right on time when I realized I had a flat tire.  I had to call roadside assistance to come out and was so thankful we were at home when it happened.   There was a nail in the tire - ugh.   Luckily they were quick to respond and we still made the 11:30 service.   We had celebratory lunch plans with all my family over Starla and Doug's exciting news...baby #2 is on the way!!   I am sooooo excited for them to have another sweet baby!   Astraea is super cute about it all and I know it will be another special blessing for our family!   After lunch at Babe's we went over to the little log cabins and did a quick tour.   Then we headed to NTB to get the tire repaired.   No problems on the repair till we walked out of NTB to find my tail light cracked.   Um no - it was not already cracked and yes, they tried to give me the run around until I found the ball-barring still stuck in it and they had to take responsibility.   What a mess.   Just praying they get it all resolved this afternoon when I run my car back up there for the manager.

We ended the day with a trip up to Sonora Park to play at the splash pad.  Then it was bath and snuggle time on the couch to watch Nemo. It was a good busy weekend with my sweet sweet boys. I am one blessed momma!




























On Sunday Nolan walked in just all full of himself and said "Mom, guess who I am?" I turned around to find him standing there in my bra just laughing.   I asked who and he replied "Tim McBra!"   We both just belly laughed over it - it was so funny.   I just couldn't stop giggling about it.   This picture is certainly going to be a family favorite for a long long time.



Uggggh!

Summertime is here!!

Summertime is in full swing at our house. We are loving every second of it!

First things first; Nolan's light up grill...



Pictures from Camp Thurman's open house - the boys are soooo excited!















First day of swimming lessons...















A few snaps from the new splash pad that is at the park right down the street from our new house...