Random Pictures...

These are a bunch of random pictures in no particular order. Again all the pictures are from my phone so don't expect much.(hey, at least I have taken some!)


Nolan got to bring home the class pet a few weeks ago. It's a stuffed dog. (thank goodness) His assignment was to take the dog on adventures and then write about them in his journal. Nolan and Hudson loved taking him places all week. This is a pic from Roxy's vet office. (We had to stop in a pick up her xzanx (sp?) for her storm anxiety and her "pee pills" for her incontinence. ((She leaks when she sleeps; poor old gal!)) We also have to buy the holistic dog food for her sensitive stomach. She is a high maintenance pup for sure!


We took him to football practice too...


Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. I decided to clear out this little cabinet in the kitchen and all of this is what was in there. Good gosh! I couldn't believe it. Out of control! This is why I dread moving. Where the heck is all of our stuff going to go?


Hud fell into a sticker patch while playing with friends at Nolan's football pictures. It was awful - he refused to let me pull out the thorns and screamed for the entire 30 minutes we were at the shoot. I had to drive home with him crying and then pin him down with my knees to get out the thorns. Ugh.


The one picture I took from Stevi's shower. I know, I suck. Can't wait for little Layla to get here!


We checked out the new "In and Out" with Nana last week. Everyone raves about it because it is a big chain in CA and we finally have one here. It was "okay", kinda plain to me but glad we went to check out. :)


Roxy seriously sat just like this without moving for about 20 minutes in the car so that Hudson could sleep. She seriously is the sweetest dog ever.


Caught sleeping on my unmade bed!


Aunt B went on a cruise to Mexico and brought back the boys these Mexican wrestling masks. Um, just what we needed. The boys spent the next week striping down to their underwear and having impromptu matches. Nice.


I woke up to Hudson in his mask playing with our kitty. He said that George likes it when he dresses up like Nipper (our turtle). So funny!

Hopeless to Hopeful.

The past few months have been challenging to say the least. To be honest, I have been feeling downright hopeless. Hopeless is a pretty low place to be.

I am usually a “sunshine and roses” kind of person; someone that can find the positives and make the best out of anything. This situation has been very, very different for me. I have been trying very hard to focus my prayers on all of the blessings in my life and to stay positive. Yet day in and day out, I still had this sinking sense of hopelessness. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t receiving the peace that I so desperately wanted. Last week something finally clicked for me. I thought I had been doing the right thing by focusing on my blessings and NOT giving up hope in my marriage. I realize now that by not letting go and accepting my situation, I was still completely stuck and paralyzed in it. Acceptance does not mean I am choosing it – it just means that I am laying it at God’s feet and not holding it in my hands (because I can’t control it anyways). I have been praying for signs and asking for guidance daily. Signs have been directly and profoundly shown to me over and over throughout the past year and yet I refused to see it or believe it. Thing is, I'm not a big fan of change. I love my life just the way it is. The thought of giving up and letting go of my eleven year marriage was more than I could handle. How could that be what God wants for me or my children? I was always taught to fight for what I believe in and to never give up; so to “let go” seems so wrong to me. Seriously this might be the only time I have actually “lost” a fight. I guess that’s why I kept fighting for my marriage long after I should have stopped. I thought that if I accepted the situation and gave up, it somehow made it my decision too. When the truth is, I had already lost him and this fight months ago. I didn’t get to be a decision maker. Whether or not I “accept it” has nothing to do with it happening anyway. Looking back, I know I had to go through all of this. I had to give it my all and know that I did everything I could before I would be able to surrender it to God.

We are so lucky to have such a great support system. There are two sides to every story and our family and friends know that. They all want nothing but the best outcome for our family and have been supportive and loving to both of us through it all. I definitely have needed that support and positive outlook and have been so thankful to have it. Not even once through all of this, have I been given advice to “move-on” or felt like someone took someone’s side. But that’s where things get hard though. I feel like most of our friends and family are still in the “hope” boat. I know that all of this seems so unbelievable but it’s been going on for months. Right or wrong – it is what it is. I feel like I am disappointing everyone by letting go; when really there was nothing to hold on it anymore. It’s over…it’s been over – I just couldn’t accept it before now. I have to move forward and I have to figure out how to not feel ashamed about it. Separation/Divorce – they are very disappointing things but I shouldn’t feel shame in everyone’s disappointment for family. That’s why I felt like I had to finally write about it on my blog. I no longer want to feel like I’m hiding something or living a lie. I’m still struggling, but it’s getting a little better each day.

When I let it all go; I actually found strength and a little hope again. A few months ago, I felt like I had lost my life and all the dreams and plans I had for the future. No wonder I was feeling hopeless! Now I realize I didn’t lose my future; I just don’t know what it is. I am reminded that I’m not in control – none of us are. We fool ourselves into thinking that we have control when we make plans. There is nothing wrong with making plans, we just have to be flexible and continue to have faith when they don’t work out the way we think they should. The unknown is scary but when I put my trust in God and ask for his guidance with each step then I know I am safe and that this is exactly where I am supposed to be.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

9-11

9/11 is actually a sweet day for us. It's my dear friend Tannie's birthday along with two of my favorite kiddos - Audrey and Astraea! We had two fun parties back to back that day and the boys were worn out afterwards!

We started the day at Audrey's 5th b-day. I always think of Audrey as so much older than Hudson. I guess because she is a girl?! I don't know. They will both start kindergarten next year which is CRAZY! Audrey's party was at ASI which the boys LOVE and of course had a great time!










How can it be that this precious baby girl is now a big three year old? Ugh, time! Astraea had a fun fun fun party at the bounce house place in the mall. The boys loved it. I took a great picture of my uncle Dell and Nolan. (it's posted below) I am so happy that he is home and able to share in these fun times with the kids while they are little! Astraea loves her Poppy!











Happy Birthday Sweet Girls!

BUSY!!

School is back in full swing so that means projects, homework, show and tell bags, lunches, ironing and the list goes on and on. Plus Nolan is playing football…which means three hours of practice each week, games every Saturday, extra laundry from all of the sport clothes, fundraising and team building events such as the Cougar Nation pep rally. Cougars take their football VERY seriously – we now have a whole new dimension to our social life. I have really enjoyed getting to know the other moms on the team and I know Nolan is loving so that’s what’s important but it is definitely a large time commitment!

To add to all of that fun stuff - we are selling the house. We have been cleaning closets, organizing cabinets , clearing out drawers, making boxes for junk we wont need for a while, touch up painting and cleaning carpets... our house is now SPOTLESS and we will have to work like dogs to keep it that way until it sells. Just the thought exhausts me. I HATE making beds and it’s something that we NEVER do unless we are having company. Making beds and cleaning every little mess has been a little stressful but we have stayed on top of it! It’s going to continue to be a full time job for sure! (Which by the way, I still have one of those too!) I guess the point of this post is just to say I’m alive…I’ve just been too busy to stop and blog. I really haven’t taken many pictures either except for the crummy ones from my phone posted below. My life is just in full transition right now and so I’m taking it day by day. There will always be a list of ”things to do” and so we are trying our best to just combat that list as we can and focus on what REALLY matters… the boys.

These are the other pics from Hudson’s first day of school…



This picture is of Hudson and all of his new little friends at football practice. It’s really great because half the team has little brothers and sisters for Hudson to play with. He is going to have a ton of friends when kindergarten starts next year!

And so it begins....

Nolan's first football practice! Go Cougars! (Many more pics to come!)

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Hudson's first day of pre-k!

Checking out this app that lets me blog from my phone.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Ribs

So last night was our 2nd grade parent/teacher meeting at Nolan’s school. It was good to meet his math teacher and learn about what they will be doing this year. When I got home I was telling Scott bits and pieces about the information and we were talking about Nolan’s homeroom teacher over dinner. She looks like she is younger than us, but she said last night she has been teaching for 16 years! So we were doing the math and what-not and then I told him how she has too older sons and then one daughter that just started kindergarten. We were talking about how hard that would be to have both boys in school and then start all over with a baby. Nolan was listening to the conversation and decided to chime in on the subject. He first asked “Do people get to decide when they want to have a baby?” Which I gave my standard response of something like “ Yes, when a mommy and daddy decide they want to have a baby they pray to God about it and ask for a baby and hopefully they get one.” He then raises his hands up and start talking (I wish I had this on video – because it was like talking to a professor about some type of well known theory or something) “Well what about when people say the baby was a surprise?” and before I could even respond he said “And here’s the part I just don’t get…HOW does that baby get into the mommy’s tummy? How does God put the baby in her stomach to start growing it?” OMG. Scott and I both just sat there and then looked at each other and then looked back at him. He had the most serious look on his face and was just waiting for a response. I just kinda floated over it with something like my original statement about praying to God and God does that part of it. He then said “So you talk to God directly?” I said yes, of course I talk to him everyday through my prayers. He then picked up his pork rib back off the dinner plate and said “I pray to ribs.” Scott and I both started laughing. He said “I love ribs and I want them for dinner every night.” So now he thinks something along the lines of just pray for whatever you want and get it. We are going to have to correct that at some point but we took the diversion and went with it. Ha ha!
Seriously?!?! Looks like we’ve got to find a book about all of this and get prepared for the next time it comes up. Scary! Not to mention Hudson was sitting right there at the dinner table too. Had I gone into some type of real response not only would we have traumatized our whole family but we also would have a four year old running around telling everyone about how babies are made. Awesome.